Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Killer Clip-on Koala

" Does everything cool happen at Rowany Festival? "

"Nah, Crowns and Coros are cool, there's Great Northern War and Spring War..."

"Well tells us a story from one of them"

" Spring War then. Sir Boris Altdorfer is a bear of a man. He is just shorter than my six foot three, but easily ten inches broader at the chest, and always outweighs me by an easy fifth of my bodyweight. Broader and stronger by far. One of the ones I try to beat with my feet and timing. If I remember correctly, I was leading the Militia. Kaz, Daz, Nat, Henri and Nemain.

We were fighting along a narrow path, barely two men wide. The lines had smashed together, and we were down to cleanup. Somehow in the swirl I was at the back of the enemy lines, but there was hardly anyone left.  One of the last enemy archers had taken my leg, so I was crawling about, and Sir Boris faced me off, with his legs intact. I was not letting him pass with bunting shoves, and blocking him out.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a stick vaguely waving around behind Boris, and MAY have been able to hear a noise. But with the frenetic blocking and counter striking going on, I don't really recall.

Anyway, it got strange. From my perspective, suddenly a sword was over his faceplate, and shield was over his shoulder. Something had suddenly leapt on him and clung to his back for grim death. It was all very confusing, but in the end, I was laughing hard, and Boris was dead. It was like a drop bear had come out of no where and gripped on, saving me at the last minute! A killer clip-on koala!

So what had happened? Nemain is one of our smaller fighters. Five foot and little change tall, and regular build. Traditionally, you kill someone from behind by walking up behind them and placing your sword over their faceplate. Well, that shoulder was foot in the air, and surrounded by a very long sword arm moving quickly and violently at great speed. Just walking behind Boris was likely to give her a killing blow.  But she had seen Sarge on the ground defending against an enemy. She couldn't get around. She knew that she was not to hit him from behind. What to do? Charge! Nemain leapt onto Boris's back in a successful attempt to put her sword over his faceplate, and yell the litany "You are killed from behind."

I still don't know to whom Boris died. Did he die to the Killer clip-on Koala, or did the disruption of his blocks mean one of my shots landed? I don't know, but it was one of the funniest things I've seen in combat. It was a practical gutsy answer to a complicated question. Standard procedure? No - but it's a question I'll never need to ask myself. To get the relative sizing goings, I would have to jump on the back of someone about seven and a half feet tall and weighing five hundred pounds. Pretty unlikely!"

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